The Good, The Bad and The Bleeping Ugly
The good is, I am ok. I am a survivor with a lot to be thankful for. I am surrounded by a great support system with amazing friends and a husband I adore. We just built our dream home but most importantly I have been blessed with three amazing little girls, my daughters. Yeah…I’ve got it pretty good.
The bad is, it took a strong slap in the face, get your sh*t together and take back control of your life situation for me to realize how good I have it. At the young age of 34 I suffered from multiple small strokes (TIA is the medical term) which some have explained to me, are warning signs of what is to come. After many tests, blood draws and a two day stay in the hospital, I still don’t have any clear answers as to why this happened. They say I have a hole in my heart, an abnormally narrow artery in my brain, thick blood and possibly migraines that cause my blood vessels to constrict so hard that I stroke out! (Insert bugged eyed emoji.) How in the world have I survived all these years?!?
The team of Doctors I am working with though, have me feeling like I am in good hands. Overall, I feel great with no apparent residual effects but because of this, I feel like I need to make some major lifestyle changes.
Now, here is where it gets bleeping ugly…
It was at the very moment when I was sitting in the hospital bed with my right leg paralyzed from the strokes, my right arm weak and my speech impaired, that my life flashed before my eyes. As I sat there feeling scared and confused, I had thoughts of guilt for taking this short life for granted. I just kept thinking, I am so young to have this happen and yet I haven’t even lived yet. I wasted so much of my kids’ precious lives being stressed, overworked and unhappy.
The anxiety rose every time a doctor came to see me to see if I could move my leg yet. Each time I was unsuccessful, I prayed and begged for another chance. If only I could have one more chance, a do over, a repeat.
I needed one more chance to get healthy, destress and start enjoying life again. I yearned for one more chance to run in the yard with my daughters again. One more chance to say “yes” instead of “No, I can’t right now because I am too busy working” to my six-year-old, who all she really wants in life is for her mom to play with her. Gulp. (Insert, sad face with tear emoji) If only I could get that time back.
There I sat in the emergency room tortured by my thoughts, totally bleeping freaking out! Imagine how you would be If you lost complete control of your leg and speech but was fully conscious of what was happening. All I kept thinking about was my daughters. They need their mother. I took my health and life for granted and now we all are paying the price. Will I ever speak normally again? Will I ever have the chance to run on my own two feet again? The unknown is scary. Then I started thinking about my husband and how was he going to handle our new normal? Will my sweet husband, in sickness and in health, have to help me wipe my a** for the rest of my life?! I was so frustrated, screaming in my head, “this just can’t be happening!”
And just when I convinced myself that I completely blew it and sucked at life, I regained control over my leg and could speak normally again. A whole 6 hours later, just like a light switch, I was given a second chance.
You better believe I said about 100 thank yous and prayed at that very moment. I took a deep breath and said “What a relief” with a long exhaled. And at that moment I told myself (and the higher power that was controlling all of this) I was going to do everything I said I would in desperation. I was going to hold to my promises. I was going to eat right, exercise, destress, make time for my kids, and show my husband just how much I love him.
So, there is my story; the good, the bad and the BLEEPING ugly. I am feeling Pretty Bleeping Blessed right now. I hope through my story I can motivate others to find what makes them happy and make lifestyle changes for the good. Life is too short to be unhappy. Follow your dreams, don’t give up and love those around you.
“Tomorrow is never guaranteed to anyone, young or old. Today could be the last time to see your loved ones, which is why you mustn’t wait; do it today, in case tomorrow never arrives. I am sure you will be sorry you wasted the opportunity today to give a smile, a hug, a kiss, and that you were too busy to grant them their last wish.” ― Gabriel García Márquez
Hey, let's be friends & stay connected!
Subscribe to be in the know about all my shenanigans!